2010 Recap

Allright everyone, I'm completely using this cheap-ass way to get a blog in for the week.  I have obviously already stooped to non-creative levels, but perhaps since it is my fourth post you can cut me a break.  I'm spending so much time these days just trying to figure out how to amble across the room without throwing my back out while I am 38 weeks pregnant that I should at least get a bit of a break in the creativity department.  I am, after all, using a lot of that creativity to CREATE LIFE and sustain it.  So here goes!! 

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

• Became a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). 
• Became the daughter of a breast cancer survivor (go Mom!).  
• Injured my back so badly I had to be helped to the toilet by my loving husband.
• Watched my son learn to walk, turn 1, chip his teeth out at 15 months, speak hundreds of words outside of mommy and daddy, and master sleeping in a twin bed.  
• Pedaled my bike with my child in a bike trailer.  Huge victory.
• Walked everywhere with my child in a stroller.  
• Planted a garden.  Harvested my own tomatoes.  
• Got pregnant for a second time.  
• Learned to lift weights while pregnant (to avoid the back injury again). 
• Celebrated five consecutive years happily in the same enchanted and wonderful relationship.  Celebrated a third wedding anniversary.  
• Vacationed in Toronto Canada to see friends WITHOUT the kid. Vacationed in a Door County Cottage for an entire week without TV, phone, A/C or internet but WITH the kid. 
• Decorated my son's room with my sister Coleen. Hosted both my sisters in my home. 
• Learned how to slow down, and to live (mostly) happily without the stress/reward of a demanding job.  
• Took a photography class.  Sort of learned how to use my Digital SLR camera. 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?


Not sure I really had any formal, written down ones, but here is what I can recall thinking this time last year: 

Be Healthier: That darn back injury happened new years day last year, so I think one big resolution was to get stronger and rehab that back, and aside from the cocktail of Relaxin that is pulsing through my body right now causing a nagging pain in my SI joints, I think I've managed that one.  Pregnancy has pretty much forced me to take my vitamins and eat healthier (somewhat), but I still snack like a teenager when I'm stressed. 

Lose Weight: Nope. 

Work on my friendships:  Yes yes yes.  I can see a real difference in that area of my life.  I am so blessed to have so many good friends who gave me a second, third, fourth chance to be in their lives after I proved myself completely unreliable. 

Stop Compulsively Working:  God this was hard.  I allllmost started up a franchise, Stroller Strides in March of this year.  I am so so so SO glad I didn't do it now, since being pregnant while chasing a toddler is so much harder than I thought it would be. It would have been just something to do so that I didn't have to feel the transition from working a high-profile and high-travel job into motherhood.  

Learn how to enjoy being a SAHM:  Still working on this one.   It's like any other job I guess, some days I love it and other days I hate it.  I'd say that the balance has recently tipped to more days that I love it than hate it (not my son, just the HIM being the jailer and me being the jailed part), but this I know will be a new struggle with 2 kids, so stay tuned.   I take solace in knowing I have NEVER known any job to be perfect, and never been completely happy 100% of the days at that job, so this is just another example of that.  I do know I would rather be shaping my son's mind than any of the other jobs I've held. 

Eat organically:  No.  Well, sort of getting there with this, if you don't count the large amount of non-organic carbs I consume on a regular basis.  I am pledging to eat more whole foods and veggies this year.  I'm pretty good on the fruit front, since C eats so much fruit, but I really really need to learn to love a salad again. 

OK, the rest I might write from this point forward is just bullshit I'm making up, so let's quit with the eval already.

Here is what I would like to bring into 2011:

• A healthy baby!
• A healthy respect for my body's capabilities to rebound from pregnancy in a realistic amount of time.  
• Welcoming more help with my kids and household without feeling like a domestic failure for asking. 
• More thought-out meal planning and visits to the grocery store
• Fitness. Really.  Some miles on that treadmill in the basement would be a good start. 
• More time outdoors doing fun things with my kid(s). 
• Being less judgmental of myself (and in turn others)
• A new hairstyle
• More writing. 
• Less face-book viewing in which I compare my insides to everyone else's outsides.
• Less clutter in my house. 
• Donating more things I don't need anymore to friends, charity, or whomever needs them. 
• Caring less about what everyone else thinks of me. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I have 2 friends who recently gave birth...I don't know how "close" is defined, but I will say that I see them weekly and love them--God speaks to me through them regularly.  

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not anyone close to me personally, but very close to my sister Leah.  She lost her baby's dad, Jack.  I had only met him once, but felt like I knew him through her.  I know he is in a better place, but it's still hard to watch my sister weather that storm.  

5. What countries did you visit?
Oh Canada!  And the US Virgin Islands. That's it. Unless you count Arizona as a different country, which I might. 

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

• More friends who have kids the same age as mine.  Probably would come easier if I had a real willingness to JOIN mom groups.  Gotta say I relate 100% with the Pregnant Chicken blog here.  
• The motivation to train for something physical again.  The courage to leave my kid at the athletic club daycare more than 1 time per week on a regular basis. 

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

• Quitting my job- Jan 15th.  That was hard and exhilarating all at once.  
• The date we conceived, of course, since it was such a monumental victory for accupuncture, healthy living, and our fertility (otherwise completely unassisted).  
• April 10th, which was the day Carson took his first steps.  
• Election day, since I am sure it's the beginning of the end for our country  (and possibly our planet) once the re-zoning of voting districts happens.  
• Christmas eve and Christmas day, when we got to spend time with my brother and his family, and my sister and her son. 
• The day we learned the news that Jack passed away. 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Learning (ok I'm still learning...but much improving) how to be in the moment. It will not win me any trophies, but I am sure my husband would tell you I'm 110% less angry, worried, and stressed than last year this time. 

9. What was your biggest failure?
Limiting my pregnancy weight gain to 25 lbs.  Ha.  GUFFFAWWWWW !! 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes, a back injury in January that really rocked me until about mid-Feb.  A bad cold in September/Oct ?, and a bout of the stomach flu in December. 

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A membership for my son at the athletic club so that he could be in childcare when I am working out.  My Nikon D5000 camera.  And technically I did not buy it, but my husband got me a new computer and new ipod for Christmas, which are both the BOMB.

12. Where did most of your money go?
To the athletic club, Best Buy, the accupuncturist, and chiropractor I am sure. 

13. What did you get really excited about?
I'm helping out with my city's pool that is opening this summer. I can't wait to be there with my kids, and to have them enjoy a pool like I did as a kid. 

14. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Tonight's gonna be a Good Night by blackeyed peas.  I don't know why, it might not even be from this year.  I just love it. 

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

Happier or sadder?  Definitely happier.  
Thinner or Fatter?  Definitely fatter (with an asterisk, I am 38 weeks pregnant after all)
Richer or Poorer?  Poorer for certain. But I don't notice or care. 

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Wrote letters to friends.  Baked. 
 Travelled around WI to old places I love like Devil's Lake, Governor Dodge State Park. 

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Checking facebook. Or fake-book as my sister calls it.  Being sick with morning sickness.  

18. How did you spend Christmas?
At home with family...first visiting my brother and his family in Brookfield and then hosting my sister and her son here at our house.  

19. What was your favorite TV program?
I hate to admit it, but I loved me some American Idol this year. 30 Rock is my other favorite, and lately Ellen has been a regular on my DVR. 

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
Little Bee, The Forgotten Garden   I admit I haven't read much, but those 2 stand out. 

21. What was your favorite music from this year?

I feel like I've been under a rock lately because my old iPod was full, and it was such a pain to run my old computer when it was doing anything more than the application I was running, so I have been dry lately in this department.  But I just downloaded Regina Spektor and I totally love her.  Of course, I also over-listened to the new U2 album, No Line on the Horizon, but I think that is from 2009.  It rocked.  There is also a new Linkin Park album I am dying to hear but have not downloaded yet. 

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
127 Hours.  City Island (on video?).  I can't remember any others that stood out as "great" to me. 

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 40 this year-- and my sweet husband invited several of my friends to one of my favorite restaurant the day before my birthday, and TOTALLY surprised me.  I had no idea.  I had separately planned to meet about 6 of them for coffee the next night to celebrate, but he beat me to the punch.  It was precious and I will never forget it. 

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If we'd sold or rented out the other house we own.  Most of my struggle to stay in the moment lately are around financial insecurity, what with me not working and all.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Survival. 'Nuff said.  

26. What kept you sane?
 My husband Matt gets the trophy on this one.  So many days his example of serenity keeps me from jumping on the dump truck of negative thinking and riding it all the way to the dump.  Then of course, the other essentials: My sponsor, and my buddies in a program of recovery I practice daily. 

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.


My employment position/lack thereof  does not define me.  I can be a SAHM-- and not be totally bored or bitchy because of it.

That's all... I'd love to hear about your year...come ON...post the answer to just ONE of these 27 questions!!

Santa's Coming...

Well, we're all set for Christmas.  It's the first we'll have in our house with Carson, since last year we travelled to the islands for my work.  The extent of our decorations last year was a santa hat which we put on Carson while we were on the beach one day, but other than that, it didn't really feel like Christmas.  Don't get me wrong, 80 degrees and sunny is a nice way to spend Christmas, but for a Wisconsin girl, it's just not the same.

So this year we're doing it up.  Aside from the massive procrastination that kept us from putting up the Christmas lights outside on our house, we're pretty festive.  Those darn outdoor lights sat on the table in the foyer until the 22nd when I confronted reality and sent them back to the christmas box for next year.   If they went up at all this year, they wouldn't be coming down until June, once baby #2 arrives in January.  Hey, at least I'm a realist.

We did  manage to put up a tree and all the decor that goes with, and even enthusiastically baked a huge double batch of christmas cookies last weekend.  I really enjoyed that part, since Matt got to wear his arm out stirring the dough while I, perched on a stool at the kitchen island, gave instructions.   Man, I need to cook like that more often.  Our intent of course was to give away most of them, but I must say the plates for the neighbors are much smaller than I thought they'd be.  Where did they all go?

Carson is loving the tree.  We put all of the non-breakable ornaments on the lower branches and taught him each of their names.   It's a fun little game to play "where's the doggie? where's the angel? where's the snowman?" and is worth at least 10 minutes of entertainment every time.  Here is a picture of those first few moments of awe, when he was pointing to every christmas light bulb and naming the colors. Don't be too impressed, he's right about 50% of the time.  For a while there I thought he was red/green color blind because he kept mixing those two up.  It could be, however, that he is just 22 months and does not yet know his colors.  Oh, but where's the drama there?

Get a good look at the tree-- but if you miss stopping by our house at Christmas, just stop by this winter.   We're pretty sure it will be Valentines Day before it comes down.  That's tradition in my family anyway.  Good old times!!

Thanks for reading!

Big Boy Room Move

Last night we jumped off the precipice into full blown toddler parenting mode-- and moved Carson to his Big Boy Room, and hence, his big boy bed.   We opted for the twin mattress on the floor as a step up (or down, physically) from his crib.   I had my reservations about the whole thing, after all, our little guy naps like a champ, sleeps 12-13 hours a night regularly, and goes down without a peep in less than 5 minutes.  So why mess with a good thing?  Baby #2 is coming in 5 weeks, and though it may be flawed to think that Carson would associate losing his room with baby's arrival if we did it after the birth, we thought it best to give it a shot now.   And so our little guy graduates from his comfy and beautiful little crib into an entirely new room and bed.  And the real stress in all this, to me, he's no longer a "baby." Babies sleep in cribs. My little baby is growing up.  Good grief, I am slammed with visions of adolescent angst already.  

The big boy room was officially complete on Thursday when the rug arrived.  We did everything we could to make the room the most enthralling (yet calming) place for Carson to go.  For the past month we've hyped it up by talking about big-boy rooms in books, Elmo shows, etc.  We even got another leaf canopy for his new bed, just like the old one over his crib.  My sister Coleen helped me put up the giant tree mural sticker when she visited a few weeks ago.  He loves, loves, loves his new room.  We feared, maybe too much.

The tree mural, and leaf canopy.  Cozy!

His bookcase and toy bins on the other side of the room (empty right now!)
On night #2 we moved the sheepskin rug over next to his bed so he has
cushion when he falls out. 

The awesome ABC mural my sister expertly applied to the nook.
Changing pad sits on top of the radiator, cozy warm! 

His very cute green dinosaur alphabet rug. 

After several discussions about the timing, we decided to seize the opportunity this weekend, when we're home both nights, have no house guests, and are pretty unscheduled in terms of daytime activities (in case of massive naps we'd need to recover).  I had plans to go out with friends on Friday night, which at first I considered a show-stopper condition, but Matt thought it was perfect.  I'd imagined the worst of situations:  Carson kicking and screaming on the other side of his door, begging for me...and knew Matt was right. There was no way I could be home and go through that.  Matt remained optimistic and calm, and I knew he was the right guy for the job.

So I left to meet friends at 6:30, and just as luck had it, Carson was whiny and overly tired, less than optimal conditions for a new bedtime experience.  I exited to a chorus of "mommy!" and "noooo!"-- the anthem of any toddler.  I kissed Matt goodbye and wished him luck.  In my mind, he'd need it!

About a half hour later, Matt calls my cell.  My gut sank as I went to answer it, wondering how fast I could get from the restaurant to the Children's Hospital ER.  After all, that's where my mind always goes.  Just absolutely crazy.  But over the hum of other people's dinner, I heard Matt's calm and somewhat "told you so" voice and was immediately relieved.   He told me how Carson had protested with one small "Mommy!" reaching his little arms out for Daddy to take him to his crib, but then surrendered to the powers of blankie, and popped his fingers back in his mouth as usual.  Matt had shut the light off, said goodnight, and closed the door behind him, to silence.   Wow.  Our kid is a champ.

We went in to check on him at 10:30 when we went to bed, and to my horror, found him in a little heap on the floor near the head of the bed.  The reptilian part of my brain went immediately into invention/survival mode and fabricated a carpet-fiber-inhalation injury, but Matt put my mind at ease by laughing at my idea.  This is what I love about him, I voice my fear, and he diffuses it.  Such a great partner...I can't imagine doing this thing with anyone else (especially someone as crazy as I am).

We went to bed feeling like we'd crossed the big boy bed transition fiasco off our list, cautiously optimistic that we'd beat this monster.

The truth?  Not exactly.   11:30 PM - Thump.  Whimper. Full blown cry.  I run into the room and gather him in my arms from the floor.  Matt follows me, reminding me of our pre-discussed plan:  put him back down and say "this is your big boy bed, time to sleep" and exit the room.  We try it.  Blood curdling screams.  Uncontrollable sobbing with several "mommy" screams in between.  I imagined him in his room, confused and scared, wondering why I wouldn't come.  I think I lasted about 2 full minutes, praying constantly, before I gave in.  I gathered him up in my arms again and sat down in the reading chair.  I pulled out a book (in the pitch dark) and tried to make up the words for it I could remember.  This was about as effective as throwing a thimble of water on a house fire. I sang the comfort song I always used when he was a little baby.  At some point he stopped sobbing and turned the book right-side up (which I could not see, so clearly his night vision is already better than mine).  We sat there for about 5 minutes, psuedo-reading, and then we put him back down in the bed.  Presto.  He was out.

Then 1:00 AM- Thump. Whimper. Cry.  Reading drill, back to bed, faster this time. Then another Thump again at 5:30 AM, after which I could not sleep.  At 6:20AM he woke up, completely fine. Not traumatized.  He lie there talking about his tree mural, telling me about his stuffed doggie-- clearly up for the day.

Saturday night was even better.  He woke at 11:30 and 2:00 AM, and that's it.  I am so keenly aware that some parents out there deal with multiple wake-ups even for a kid in a crib, so believe me, I am sooo very grateful that this is a temporary thing.   God definitely knew when He designed my child that I could not handle it any other way.  Hopefully He doesn't have a different plan for baby #2.

So that's it...we're officially underway in the toddler room transition.  I'm calling it a win in the parenthood category of life.  Small victories. Yay.  

This weekend we also put up Carson's first Christmas tree (last year we were travelling).  Check back for pictures and a post soon!  Thanks for reading!

No Apple Pie For Me, Just Ice Cream, Please.

The other night Matt asked me if I wanted some apple pie and ice cream, some of our post thanksgiving left-overs, of course.    I think I shocked him when I nonchalantly replied "No, just ice cream for me please."  There.  See?  I'm showing such restraint in my 34th week of pregnancy.  Oh, and plus, it is Edy's light, 1/2 the calories and fat. 

Then I head into the kitchen about 2 minutes behind him, and silently decide that I need two marshmallows, a 1/2 a hershey's bar, and some nuts on top of that ice cream.  As I'm quietly loading all of this onto a plate to microwave it to just the right gooey-goodness level, Matt looks over at me, and he's already lost it.  He's laughing so hard he can barely say it:  "Just ice cream, huh?"   This isn't saying much about my bladder control, but I have to say that was a pant-peeing laugh we had standing there in the kitchen, facing that lie head-on (just me, Matt had no problems with his bladder).   Ahhhh Denial.  It's such a powerful thing huh? 

Today I headed back to the gym, and I'm sad to say that 30 minutes of aerobic exercise, the real kind, not just the pushing a stroller for a couple of miles while I go whatever pace I want, was a challenge.  Thirty-three weeks and three days pregnant, and I feel like a contestant on the biggest loser.  You know, the ones who cry a lot and keep saying that they know they want to change but it's just so much harder than they thought.  Ugh. I hear ya, sista.  This weight loss is going to be a tough...my only hope is the old axiom that says when you have two kids to chase, there is no time to eat.   All I can say is that I've always found time before-- so we'll see about that.  And oh, by the way, I see plenty of women with scores of kids who never lose the weight, so I am not falling for that "it just falls off of you while you're chasing them" lie.  Something tells me I'll have to work at it.

On a less self-centered note:  This weekend we embark upon one of the most stressful things we've done as parents.   Moving Carson to his Big Boy room.  The fun kicks off on Friday night.  It's the cutest darn room you've ever seen, I'll post pictures sometime this weekend.   Bye all!