This expectation is exactly the type of thing that gets me into trouble. A friend of mine calls this a "premeditated resentment." And it's so true. I set myself up to be resentful about something I am absolutely powerless over. I do it in every aspect of my life-- as a customer, as a friend, as a sister, daughter, wife, mother and aunt. I get an idea about what (insert anything) should look like, and then when it does not turn out that way, I get...well, out of sorts. Still echoing in my head are the messages from all those damn business classes I took when part of big Corporate America, ideas lulling me into some whacked out sort of perception of reality. They hired fancy consultants to tell us we just need to communicate our expectations better. So, if I just phrase it differently, they'll get it. And when whatever I'm focused on doesn't change, I communicate them again, and again, in a different way, or with a different tone, or with a different incentive for my subject. Each time I'm taught the hard, hard lesson: I'm powerless. Powerless over the weather (of course, you say), over the way Lowe's Door Sales deals with me, over the way this person or that person wants to participate (or not participate) in their relationship with me. All I get to do is my part, and that is, in it's essence, to be kind, and take right action. I get to say what my needs are, once, and then I get to let it go. How do I do that with the Lowe's Installations department? I cut them some slack when they screw up. I laugh it off. And when I can't laugh it off, I need a firm reminder that I have a choice to take my business somewhere else.
Easy, you say, with the Lowe's guy. But what about my family? After all, it's much harder to choose your family. Well, you can, but your new choice probably won't be a whole lot better than God's choice, and it will eventually catch up to you. After all, being human, we're all imperfect.
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| Discontent |
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| Mommy, put the camera down and play with me. |
